big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I am available for nakedness
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
