I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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