i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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