you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
