You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
