you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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