i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
