That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
