If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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