Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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