i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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