Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
