its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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