She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
