If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
