I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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