i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
