Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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