i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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