6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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