So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
