Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize