Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
