the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
