I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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