Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
