I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
