her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
