I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
