i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
