I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
