and i looked up. we had an audience...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Houston, we have a blender
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
