I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
two words...techno handjob
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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