So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
