we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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