Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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