At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So much Jack, so little girl.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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