i think my tv is drunk
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
