remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
