At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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