What a fucking waste of an outfit
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
