dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
