I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
