Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
