May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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