ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
