non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
