Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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