It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize