Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
