the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm always down for nudity.
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