When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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