After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
and you fell through a lawn chair
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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