this just has baby written all over it
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
