dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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