His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
