Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
