something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
