Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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