dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
