my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
