I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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