Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
from now on my penis is your penis
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
i believe in u and ur pee
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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