No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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