Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
