you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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