what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
