She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
