Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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