Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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