I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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