you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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