My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
