just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
