I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I wish you could order shots online.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
