Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
