We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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