So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Randomize
