I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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