Plan B is the new Plan A
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Randomize
