he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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