Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
