I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
