I wanna bring you to show and tell
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
