you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
either way he was missing a nipple.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Randomize
