so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
