Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
