her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
My pussy is not your playground.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
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