If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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