i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I think i got beer on your cat.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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