The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
