she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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