I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
