Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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