We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
