I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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