you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
