K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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